Writing

Writing
by Jan Dean

and then i saw it
saw it all all the mess
and blood and everythink
and mam agenst the kichin dor
the flor all stiky
and the wall all wet
and red an dad besid the kitchen draw
i saw it saw it all
an wrot it down an eer work of it is tru

You must take care to write in sentences,
Check your spelling and your paragraphs.
Is this finished? It is rather short.
Perhaps next time you will have more to say.

First off I would like to say that this poem or account of a murder is probably one of the darkest poems i have ever read. I really like the way she wrote this though. I like the structure a lot, which has being appearing more and more throughout this new packet; the structure that is non-capitalized at all, it emphasizes the student and teacher dynamic that is being portrayed. I say this because at the end it seems like a teacher is editing her work. I also like the ebonics in the poem. One can really get a sense that they are listening to her talk about what she has seen and not just readin another poem. This is great because she is telling a story about her parents apparantly being killed. The thing that really throws me off is that the teacher is not paying attention at all to what the story is saying at all, the teacher is simply looking at all the grammatical and tecnical errors that she has made, she doesnt pay attention to the meet of the story, and she doesnt pay attention to wha the gurl is reely trying to say. It just goes to show that sometimes students are right about the teachers not paying enough attention to what we are really saying instead of just grading papers and labeling us with an a or f. Sorry that was a bit of a venting session right there, and you are not one of those teachers Mrs. White. :) Till nest time.